Okay... forget the whole week thing. :/
So... yeah, my update. I went to see the Chaplain. I gave in, because I just
thought what the hell, what's the worst that could happen? And frankly, even
the worst that could happen is inconsequential. He was quite open about it all.
He basically just said that he couldn't tell me what to think or do but that he asked
me to keep in mind two things while I was going through all this. 1. That I shouldn't
necessarily identify as lesbian. 2. That I should think about who I want to be my
Lord. I have no problems with the latter of those two, and to be honest I don't have
a problem with the first one either, but I respectfully disagree and have taken the
opposite position. I told this to my friend. It didn't go down very well with her and
there was a bit of drama in between, but she apologised and has now decided to keep
out of my personal matters. I'm liking the way this is going to be perfectly honest.
Been looking at Universities. Mr. Everhart suggest Oxford Brookes. I'm not so sure,
I think I can do better... But, we'll see.
OH, and we got given this careers talk by this business guy which I found completely
uninspiring. But there you go... he basically said that people with money are happier
than people without money, and that if you want to make money then you need to
move to Asia. It was all about money... And I was just sat there like 'You're missing
the point to life. I don't care about money.' In fact I was thinking about it, and I honestly
wouldn't have any huge issues taking a vow of poverty. Seeing the moral depravity of the
world we live in makes me want to go out and live in nature. Shed myself of every worldly
thing on this earth, get as close to physical pain and suffering as is humanly possible, and lose myself completely. (No, I am not thinking about taking a gap-year.) I suppose really, what I want to do is go on an adventure. Maybe after my music degree, and after this great adventure, maybe then I'd know what it is I am meant to do with my life. Aside from just live it, of course. Aside from just doing what I want to do, I'm waiting for some higher calling from someone.
Because of all the above, I keep searching for 'mountain-top experiences' in regards to my faith. I'll explain... basically I keep waiting for experiences of God that are so real to me I'm overwhelmed. I experience one or two here and there but as magnificent as they are, it all sort of comes to a head in the big gap in between them. But I'm fighting against that as best I can.
Oh and, I found something hilarious in my bible yesterday (trust me, you'll like this):
Ecclesiastes 7:13 - Consider the work of God, For who is able to straighten what He has bent?
Signing off,
Geraldine.
Song of the Blog:
Aerials - System of a Down:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSiTbkpbnUs
