I think in part, the previous title perhaps felt a little insensitive, and so I arrived at the point where I just thought: "What's in a name? A rose by an other name still smells as sweet." So I came up with the name: amazinglythisisablog.
So I don't really know where to start because Induction Week has been a blast and I have so many thoughts in my head and so much I want to write about my experience. It has been fantastic. I couldn't come back to ISKL because what I got personally from Giggleswick just in that week would never equate to anything that I would ever get personally from ISKL to be perfectly honest. I'm not being bitter or hateful, I'm just being honest. The experience of being at Giggleswick just for that week was so intense and I learnt so much in that week, and I feel like I've grown as a person just from being there for that week, which obviously makes me feel like, I have to stay. I can't leave. I think just going there for that week helped me reassess where I want to be and what I want to do with my life in a refreshing way that I've never been able to do before because of the pressure. For the first time in my life somebody asked me the question:
- Do you think you'll go to university?
NOT
- Where are you going to university?
Being asked that question is was a breathe of fresh air that I simply can't describe in any form of prose. It gave me such a shock. I had to pause for a moment just to realise what I'd been asked. If anything, that's what put me off ISKL the most, was the assumption that you would definitely be going to university. It made me not want to go to university. I also couldn't work under that sort of pressure. There is no pressure at Giggleswick. They don't want everyone to get 3 As, they know its not realistic. They're proud of every single student that leaves Giggleswick and achieves their potential. I also feel like they understand that intelligence doesn't equate to: you are intelligent, you should get 3 As. They understand that there are other aspects to learning. They're also not ashamed of students who leave Giggleswick and don't achieve their potential. They don't comment about it. Not because its taboo but because there's nothing to say, and its up to them(the pupils). Not: "What ashame."... wait, sorry, "What a shame." That lack of pressure is exactly what I feel like I need. The other thing is in ISKL I might say "I want to be a writer." and the general response would be "Is that practical? Or: "Are there job prospects? Not a lot of people make it as a writer." Whereas, at Giggleswick, I'm being told to ignore the success rates, and job prospects, and etc., and go forward with the ethos that you will go out to beat those success rates and you will be one of the 4 out of 40 people to make it as a writer, an actor, a director, an artist, whatever it is you want to be. That is what I want to be, and that's what I want to be successfully. I wake up everyday, and as soon as the hundreds of thoughts running around my head subside, and I think about where I picture myself in 10 years, I can't see myself as being anything else but a writer. I can't visualise anything else for myself. And I realise now that ISKL depressed me and made me feel like I had no future because "Not a lot of people make it as a writer." Because I can't see myself doing anything but and ISKL made me believe that I couldn't go after my dreams and be successful. Giggleswick has opened my eyes and made me believe otherwise.
The NSDF (National Student Drama Festival) is a festival they host every year and put on productions and the director, writer and producer of the production they are showing this year talked to people auditioning for the school production. The producer basically said: "If you wake up everyday and you think I can't do anything else but be an actor, then you should go for it." And I could relate to that, because that's the way I am with wanting to be a writer. I asked the writer of the play: "How do you go about becoming a playwright?" And basically he didn't say anything I didn't already know but he revitalised it for me and made me realise more the truth of it and basically he said you have to do three things:
1. Write
2. Read
3. Listen
And he said that just listening to someone in a conversation is as good as reading a book. He also said that he did an English Literature degree and that forced him to read a lot, and here he is a playwright. Also, he said you need to find a story. He found a story that no one else had written and no one else wanted to write that he could write, so he wrote it.
I think one of my happiest moments during that week was when, we were in the Theatre, and Becky told me that her friend Jo (short for Joanne I presume) was bisexual, (wait for it), she's actually not. Becky said, no she's not, she's just extremely sexual. (We made quite a few "that's what she said" jokes in that conversation, me, Becky, and Jo.) And then Becky said "Aw, did you have a little girl crush?" (A phrase (little girl crush) which I myself use quite a bit, even prior to this, and now I imagine I'll use it even more.) To which I replied: "No, I just thought I had friend." And then Becky said "I thought I was your friend." And that just made me smile.
My least favourite moment, was when went to the lake district. Not because it was wet, or rainy, (which it wasn't), but because of what happened. Basically there was this huge seesaw thing and our task was to try and get all of our group members on to it and balance it for as long as we could. We were set the task of trying to keep in balance for longer than 6 seconds. After a long time of fannying around and not getting it to balance for longer than 3 seconds, I closed my eyes and started to try and think about what was causing the seesaw to fall. Clearly, it wasn't solely gravity, since gravity is equal on both sides of the seesaw, this being the case, if the only force at play was gravity, it should stay balanced. So then I realised that it was the weight of the people on either side, which is when I came up with the idea of balancing the weight of people on either side of the seesaw. Everyone ignored my idea, saying it made no sense. So after much more fannying around and actually managing to balance it for 4 seconds, a girl named Shona suggested we use my idea. Everyone else then asked her what the idea was. She told them. It worked, and we managed to balance the seesaw for 9 seconds. Frankly, I was just happy that my idea helped and that we could get away from the wretched thing. After we managed to do it, the teacher asked a few people (to one side) who came up with the idea, and one guy said "I think it was Rick." The teacher already knowing the answer said "Was it?" And then I said "No, it was me." When it came to the group discussion, the instructor (a woman, not the teacher, although they had obviously conversed) asked the group who had come up with the idea. Everyone said, oh it was Shona. And Shona herself said "yeah, yeah." And then the teacher (a man) said "No, I think you'll actually find that it was Geraldine." And Shona said "Oh yeah..." And then the teacher and instructor both wittered on about some crap about communication in group situations. The whole thing just made me feel like I could have screamed and no one would have listened. They didn't have any respect for me or my ideas, and when I go back I'm going to have to build up that respect. That aside, however, am I the only one that listens to the new girl when she has an idea? When new people have good ideas, I listen to them, and no one else does, and I always wind up being their voice for them, and furthermore, unlike Shona (who I'm sure is very nice), I wouldn't take the credit. That experience was probably the most frustrating thing that happened to me that week.
Related to the above paragraph, I had an interesting revelation about human nature that week (as you do). The housemaster of my house has a dog called Biggles. I didn't know that at the time. So I'm looking out my bedroom window and I see this dog attacking this rabbit. And it keeps attacking it and then letting it run away. I realised that really what the dog wanted to do was just chase after it because it was bored rather than harm it or anything. The rabbit ran, and the dog ran after it. But then the dog caught it and instead of letting it go like it had before, he killed it. I thought, maybe he'll eat it and then it won't be such a waste. But he just looked at it and then walked off. At which point I said: "Well that was pointless." And the dog looked at me. I went out to see if the rabbit was actually dead and unfortunately, it was. Walking back to my room I started thinking "Well, it's a dog eat dog world." Then I realised "No, actually it's a dog eat rabbit world." Then thinking about a parallel situation involving humans, I came to the realisation that people don't fight with people who are as strong as them. They go after people who are weaker. That's why there's no such thing as equality, because we are not born equal. We are all born with different strengths and weaknesses.
That situation (involving a giant seesaw in the lake district) reminded me of the above dog-rabbit story because my inability to assert myself with my good idea (which worked) meant that people didn't use my idea until someone else, who did have the ability to assert themselves, suggested it. And then, they got the credit for it, by the group, instead of me, and would have done if the teacher and instructor (both authority figures able to assert themselves) hadn't been there.
In the words of Marilyn Manson: "The weak ones are there to justify the strong."
I came out to a few people at school, the girls in my house, specifically Izzy (who I am rooming with) and Sally, suggested I keep it quiet because they wouldn't want me causing what they called "a tiff". I wanted to laugh. It's the most quintessentially British point of view I've ever heard actually come out of someone's mouth. However, I don't want to make life difficult for myself, so I'm keeping as quiet as I can about it without keeping it from my closest friends (such as Becky). Closest is relative by the way, she's the person I'm closest to at Giggleswick.
I had an interesting conversation with a guy called Jack who has cerebral palsy. Luckily for him, it's only affected his legs and he's still able to walk. I really do sympathise with him though, because of all the people on planet earth, he's the last guy you would wish something like that on. He really doesn't deserve it. He was saying how people were looking at him strangely, and how some people shied away from him because he was "this way". I tried to explain to him that maybe people just don't understand and if you can talk to them about it and try and explain it to them, that might make it easier for them. He had a good go at trying to do everything everyone else did. All the physical challenges we were given he tried, unless it was seriously dangerous for him to do so. He really is one of a kind. I hope he comes back next year, he said this was a taster for him and he wasn't sure if he would come back.
So that, was my whirl-rocket of a week. And while there were ups and downs, I know I'm going to have a lot of fun at that school, and at the same time, be as academically successful as I have the potential to be.
And, I'm finally decided that I'm doing an English Literature degree at University.
Signing off,
Geraldine McKavanagh.
Song for this blog:
Everyone kept listening to the wretched song: California Girls by Katy Perry.
To get that song out of my head, I sang the song: Half the World Away by Oasis... to myself.
