Week 12

I realise that this whole weekly blog thing is going a bit down the pan, and also that the rough estimates of the weeks are now, exactly that, rough estimates. But hey-ho, life goes on.

What's happening in my world? Well... I've been going to Oxygen recently and I'm starting to attempt to read the Book of Matthew. The idea is that I'll make my way round the entire New Testament at some point and when I've done that I'll read certain books in the Old Testament. Already read: Genesis, Peter, and parts of Matthew and Exodus. The Genesis and Exodus thing was when I attempted to read the bible, page to page... epic fail. Yeah, so I suppose this all warrants slight explanation but I don't really know where its going myself to be honest. I think I believe in God but I don't want to because not believing in God is a lot easier. This might all seem a bit sudden to you all in KL, hence pretending it isn't so is the easier way out. But that wouldn't be the right way even if it is the easier way. So, I basically think I'm at a point where I can probably call myself a Christian again. (In my defence, I did say this would happen. And it did.)

Which bring up the difficulties which I had before when I tried the whole gay-christian route. This idea of leading a double-life, and having a group of friends you are christian with and a group of friends you are gay with. So I'm doing my best to try and explain both sides to both groups of people. Trying to explain why the bible actually doesn't say anything about monogamous homosexual sex being immoral to my christian friends, and likewise on this blog right now explaining to you lot for whom I am your token-gay friend why I am christian again. I think I'm probably at least slightly insane, and probably have at least traces of a victim complex. Wanting to be a gay christian, madness. Probably what you are thinking, I would imagine. Well that's exactly what I'm thinking. But its who I am, I can't ignore this issue. I think one of the reasons I knew this would happen is because I knew that my atheism was rooted in anger against God for 1. raising me a Christian whilst simultaneously 2. creating me gay and then 3. leaving me to fend for myself against incredibly antagonistic christian fundamentalism that is rooted right at the centre of Christian media today. This relates to me personally because the way Christians are portrayed in the media is the reason why you're all wondering 'why on earth?'. Obviously the idea that my atheism was rooted in anger against God shows that it was somewhat flawed. To be angry at God, you sort of have to believe in him.

Onto much happier subjects: I am reading the book Trainspotting by Irvine Welsh. Its quite good but full of f and c words. Alice in Wonderland productions went really well in the end. I'm quite happy with my personal performance and there's not much I could really do about other people's performances. Having said that Wenesday was an amazing performance its just ashame all the other nights weren't somewhere closer to that kind of magnificence, then I would be really happy.

Monthly Assessment's happened again, for November:

English:
Mrs. Farmer - A
Mr. Giles - A
Drama:
Mr. Warburton - A
Ms. Lindley - A
Music:
Mr. Everhart - A
Mr. Arkel - B
History:
Ms. Hannah - B
Mrs. Coward - C

Mrs. Coward's C is understandable as I deserved it. I haven't completely turned history araound since my last MA. My last MA I got a D, which she gave me as a sort of kick up the ass. I haven't really done much to change that. I mean its been consistent and probably satisfactory, but that's what C means, isn't it? So no huge turn around. Next MA, it will be at least a B though. Plus, I don't really know where that B came from in Music. :/

I have to choose my tutor now, which is a bit confusing... I still don't know who to choose. I think I want to do music at University, I have a list of 3 people. Mrs. Farmer, she is a legend. Mr. Everhart, I really like Mr. Everhart and I can talk to him. Plus as he's my music teacher, and I'm thinking of music at University, that would be good. Then Mr. Bellis my housemaster said Ms. Rowles would be good as a tutor but then, I don't know I think she'd be good as someone to go to extra to tutor, but I like Ms. Rowles. So, therefore... but then I don't know, putting Mrs. Farmer first would be interesting because she can be quite intimidating, and I don't know whether she might be taken aback if I choose her as my tutor. I can't really lose by putting her as my tutor though. Plus, I like Mr. Everhart but I think he might be a bit lax and I don't want someone that will be lax, because I need that kick up the bum. Right, well there's that sorted then...
1. Mrs. Farmer
2. Mr. Everhart
3. Ms. Rowles.

Good. Good. Good.

signing out,

Geraldine M.

song for the week:

Wake Up and Smell the Coffee by The Cranberries.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGcHisWvmuo

I must admit, its not my usually happy stuff (which the music on here has generally been quite happy, methinks). Its a cracking song though.

Week 6 - 11

Okay, so I know I haven't written for ages and I'm sorry, but I really need to write now, and this one will be good. Since I last wrote, a lot of things have happened that I've thrown myself into. School things: Set design for Equus, Alice in Wonderland, my composition for music. I've continued writing that play I had an idea for. The one with the two women, one of them is fighting for her life, and the other one wants to kill herself, and it all flips, the one who wants to kill herself has an affair and starts to love live, and the one fighting for her life gets fed up and wants to kill herself. Its turning out to be a self-reflexive cross between a naturalistic musical, an absurd play, and a pantomime. I'm not really sure where it's going. Anyway, right now I'm in the library and I'm going to go to the music school so I'm just going to save this and then continue...

The music school wasn't open, so I wound up back at the library again, but I had to go back to house to go and get earphones. Anyway, here I am again.

The best time to write about all this stuff, is when you're incredibly pissed off at everything and nothing, which is exactly how I feel right now for no apparent reason. post-ms maybe? I don't know... I hate thinking about that kind of stuff, it just serves to remind you that all your emotions are just chemical reactions in your brain, which sucks in some ways, because it trivialises everything, but in other ways is really great, because for basically any emotion you're feeling there's a drug that will stop you from feeling that way. On the surface, that sounds really great, but it isn't. That right there, that's mostly why I wanted to stop taking medication. It made me feel numb, and it made me dull, and it depressed me, waking up everyday having to take my goddamn fucking medication every fucking morning.

Post-rant and onto the fucking point:

Two things have pissed me off (ignoring the fact that anger is a chemical reaction):

1. Parent conferences were yesterday, my parents weren't there (that didn't annoy me), I decided to go around anyway, to see how I was doing. 2 things happened. My English teacher Mrs. Farmer basically told me to piss off and that she didn't want to see me because she had 'a parent' waiting. I smiled at her. At the time it didn't piss me off, because its typical Mrs. Farmer. She thinks that she's high and mighty, and that she's done something great. But she does all these things and I know, she goes away from all that feeling completely empty. Mr. Granzow used to do stuff (and probably still does for all I know) like that. The difference is Mr. Granzow never meant it. Mrs. Farmer does, or maybe not, I don't know her as well as I got to know Mr. Granzow, but I probably will. Anyway... what actually annoyed me about parent-conferences, Ms. Coward, who gave me a D last monthly assesment, told me if I kept going the way I was going I'd get a U (unqualified, basically an F but worse). Initially that didn't annoy me either. I smiled at her. I think that pissed her off a little bit actually, it sort of looked like I don't care. I'm angry because I'm not reacting to it. Its not that I don't care. It just hasn't made me panic in any big way like it normally would. I'm a little bit frightened that if I don't react to it I won't change and that will happen. Where will I be if at the end of these next two years if I don't get into uni and my life is a complete mess? Essentially, where I would be if I'd stayed at ISKL. I can't help thinking that it's basically my destiny to fail. Perhaps thats a bit melodramatic, but there it is. Anyway, my plan was to take what Ms. Coward was saying with a pinch of salt and just fucking do it. Get on with it, and do better than I am doing. But my brain just switches off in her class because I'm bored, and my brain just switches off doing her homework because I'm bored. My brain sort of half-switches off in my other history class too, but the half that's there that's still working is sufficient enough that I can cope with what Ms. Hannah saying, process it, and produce homework that is half-way decent. But, even when I am sat in their classes with either half or my entire brain switched off, I seem to have moments of brilliance during discussions which show them that I'm highly capable and incredibly intelligent (their words, not mine). Its too late now to act stupid, but that's not the ponit. The point is that I'm thinking like that at all shows a major personality flaw that I can't seem to get rid off. An eye for short-term goals rather than long-term goals in my actions, but in my thoughts a complete obssessiveness over long-term goals or something to that effect. But then, that's not even true either. I try not to think about the future because it scares me, but I act (in all my other subjects, and in everything else thats happened at Gig so far) with long-term goals in mind. Like the fact that I want to go to uni even if I have no fucking clue what I want to do. At the moment, I can't help but feel like this is all pointless anyway, because no matter how 'successful' I am, I'll wind up feeling completely empty inside anyway. It doesn't help that my parents can't make their minds up over where they want my life to go. They have such a huge influence over me, undeniably, and my entire life is the big question, and they don't know, but they're disappointed when I make my mind up, as I have done many times, and they say things like 'you're more intelligent than that'. I can't please them, yet that's basically all I'm striving to do. All the time, is make them happy, maybe because deep down, I know I can't. I'll never live up to their expectations because my life is set for a whole different course of actions now, undefined by any role-models or guidelines because there aren't any. I get to live my life however I want now, I'm not tied down to society. But that's just it, isn't it? That's what they want, and all I want is for them to be happy with me because I know I'll never be happy. But the one thing they want, I can't change.

2. I can't remember what the 2nd thing was. Oh, now I remember... This one's got quite a lot of background to it though, so I'm going to have to go through all that first. My friend, Becky, one monday, was going to Oxygen, a Christian union, and asked me if I would like to come. I did. It was alright, I suppose... I was talking to the people in Settle I've been seeing for an ADD assessment, and we talked about everything, my entire history. My conflict with my sexuality and my previous faith. I forgot to tell them that my 'previous faith' was previous, and they assumed I was still Catholic. I let them continue to believe that was true. I started thinking about religion and God and my life thus far and came to the conclusion that my atheist beliefs may just be what they are because of my sexuality, and that would be a horrific reason to be an atheist. So, I went to Oxygen again, and I'm going next week, to explore this idea. (I told you this would happen... just saying, I did tell you it would happen.) So we were talking about it all, me and my other friend, Emily, and Emily told me, very kindly, that being gay wasn't a real thing, that God intended for us to be straight, and that I couldn't be Christian and gay. I'm not annoyed that she has these opinions, I knew she had them before the words even came out of her mouth. I just don't understand why she had to voice them. I have many opinions that I know would upset her and piss her off intensely but I don't voice them infront of her, because I know that would cause tension.

Last and final thing I want to say is that I went to the people in Settle, who are assessing me for ADD and they don't think I have ADD. Which I haven't reacted to... I think my general response to everything is either apathy or anger at the moment. I do think, however, that they think I have some sort of HFA (Higher-Functioning Autism), because they kept asking me about my interactions with people, my obssessions with certain things, like Harry Potter, and Batman, etc. and my musical ability and whether or not I am musically 'gifted'. So all these things to me, point to some sort of HFA, but they haven't said as much.

That's my rant for the week. :) Glad you enjoyed it, presume that you did.

Geraldine McKavanagh

Song for the Week(s):

Least Complicated by Indigo Girls (I know I've already had a song by them, but I like this song.):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gMAsej7M9Q

Week 5

It honestly feels like two seconds since I last wrote on this blog. Obviously it isn't. But that's what it feels like.

I got in trouble with a teacher, which wasn't good. Basically I turned up to History with Ms. Coward (Henry VIII and the Reformation) without my presentation for history done. She gave the class this lecture about turning up with homework not done and said that she didn't give Lower Sixth's detention but if she felt that we were letting the group down when it came to presentations that she would give Lower Sixth's detention but she said that until tomorrow she was going to give us an 'amnesty period' as she called it. Which is all fair enough. It was a wake up call though. I then went into complete hyper-focus that night working on the presentation for two and half hours straight.


Hyper-focus, by the way, for readers (AKA: Linden) that don't know, is a sympton of ADD/ADHD. Basically its the ability to focus one thing, which you have a high level of interest in, for long periods of time but with a complete disregard for everything else, such as other homework, homework in general, or relationship and sometimes even hygeine. Hyper-focus can be used in a very positive way, such as when I used it in order to finish my History homework.


I am looking at trying to figure out how I can deal without being on medication and that is one of the things which I am looking at utilising. That and I've realised that when I don't hear something in class, I need to ask the teacher what they just said even if it makes me look like a complete idiot because she/he just said it and everyone else heard. So I'm working on that too. I think I'll probably have to inform my teachers that I have an attention deficit because at the moment they don't know and when it affects my attention or homework or when I say something incredibly socially awkward, the teachers don't know that these are all symptoms of my attention deficit. I also need to explain to them that I will try to work on all of these things but for now a bit of leeway would be incredibly helpful. BUT, at the same time I don't want to wind up blaming everything on ADD because that would be a lie.

I'm thinking I want to become a music teacher. Music is my favourite class at the moment, and when I thought about it, I realised 'It's been staring me in the face this whole time.' That would mean doing a Music degree and then doing teacher training after that. I really like the idea at the moment, but you know me and careers, I get an idea in my head and I really like it for about a month or two, and then I think of something else and I move onto that. When it comes to sending in applications for universities, Ms. Coward (who is also head of careers) is going to have a hard time with me.


I don't know if I've told any of you this, but I get to have a tutor in Giggleswick and I have to choose who I want to be my tutor. At the moment I am thinking about 4 people. Mrs. Farmer, one of my English teachers, I was really keen on choosing her to be my tutor when I was certain that I wanted to do English at university, but now that I'm not sure, I don't really want her to be my tutor anymore. I'm really glad she's my English teacher, but she has a bit of an abrasive personality. On the other hand, she could be what I need to keep me in line with work, but as I say, I'm not sure yet. The other 3 people I want to be my tutors are Mr. Everhart, one of my music teachers. I'm fairly sure he has an attention deficit which I could use to my advantage, in that he'd understand where I was coming from with all of the symptoms,where someone without ADD wouldn't. Ms. Lindley, one of my Drama teachers, but I'm not sure she would accept now to be honest... (I'll take more with you about that privately Linden.) Ms. Coward, because she really gave me a wake-up call in class the other day, and I really appreciate it. Plus, I just generally think she's a nice person. And, not saying this is a reason (IT IS), but having the head of careers be your tutor can be very useful. Tutors help you with university stuff and that would come in handy. It's not a reason (IT IS), but it would be a really nice perk that would come with having her as a tutor (BAHAHAHAHAHAHA, ITS THE MAIN REASON, DON'T LISTEN TO HER).




Pardon the schizophrenic moment there...

Anyway, I think I'm done babbling now.


Signing out,

Geraldine M.



Song for the Week (YAY!) :

I think, I love by Jamie Cullum

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1sVAJtL42c

Weeks 1 - 4 (My first month)

Firstly, I think an apology is in order for having neglected to post anything for the last 4 weeks.

I have some good news, so I'm going to start with that. 2 teachers for each subject, as you know, or if you didn't you do now. Each teacher teaches a different unit related to that subject. This week we had MA's basically Monthly Assessments and we got our grades. They won't count or anything they just let us know how we're doing. In fact, the only grades that count are the ones we get for our Exams combined with coursework (a little bit like IAs with IB, but easier). So my MA's, and this is the good news, are the following:

Drama:
Mr. Warbuton - A
Ms. Lindley - A
Music:
Mr. Everhart - A
Mr. Arkel - A
History:
Ms. Hannah - A
Ms. Coward - B
English:
Mr. Giles - B
Mrs. Farmer - B

The English part isn't so great really, in fact, it makes me wonder if I should be doing something more drama-ey/music-ey at university. There's no way I'd do History at university, of course, but its good to know that I'm doing well in History.

So the last 4 weeks... well the first week felt like a month, in and of itself. Time for the last 4 weeks has certainly been playing tricks on me. Some days feel much longer than they should and you sit and remembering what happened this morning, wonder if it really happened this morning or if it happened yesterday. The major thing I forgot was the fact that with my friends in KL, I did actually have to work at it before they were my friends. People that don't know me here, so I have to work at being their friend too. I'm doing all this off-medication as well. Week 2/3 I sort of had a little emotional breakdown because of the stress of it all but I'm okay now. I'm incredibly surprised that I was able to get what I got in my MA's off-medication frankly, but I'm happy it happened.

Been singing a lot the past 4 weeks. Gone through 'Always true to you in my Fashion' and 'So in Love' with my singing teacher. Singing lessons are going great. Plus at the moment, I'm learning the song 'Somewhere that's Green' from the musical Little Shop of Horrors, and a religious christmas song for christmas. Chapel choir is fine, its just singing church music which isn't so bad actually. For example we're doing For the Beauty of the Earth which I did with Granzow in ISKL. However, there aren't enough altos, so I'm in the alto section at the moment. I'm also in Concert Choir, and we're doing the exact same Wicked medley that Concert Choir in ISKL did for Song and Dance. Small world. Speaking of which, my history teacher (Ms. Hannah not Ms. Coward) knows the drama teacher at GIS, who I met when I went on that lighting course at KLPAC. Really small world.

I have a crush on a teacher... such is life, and my ongoing oedipus complex.

JUST KIDDING MUM!

I'm not publicly posting who on the internet, but if you are my teacher and you are reading this: it's not you. :)

signing out,

Geraldine McKavanagh

Song for this Month (sorry):

Closer to Fine by The Indigo Girls

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o27ugtK3i4w

Induction Week: July 5th - July 9th.

I've been thinking about changing the name of my blog for a while now...

I think in part, the previous title perhaps felt a little insensitive, and so I arrived at the point where I just thought: "What's in a name? A rose by an other name still smells as sweet." So I came up with the name: amazinglythisisablog.

So I don't really know where to start because Induction Week has been a blast and I have so many thoughts in my head and so much I want to write about my experience. It has been fantastic. I couldn't come back to ISKL because what I got personally from Giggleswick just in that week would never equate to anything that I would ever get personally from ISKL to be perfectly honest. I'm not being bitter or hateful, I'm just being honest. The experience of being at Giggleswick just for that week was so intense and I learnt so much in that week, and I feel like I've grown as a person just from being there for that week, which obviously makes me feel like, I have to stay. I can't leave. I think just going there for that week helped me reassess where I want to be and what I want to do with my life in a refreshing way that I've never been able to do before because of the pressure. For the first time in my life somebody asked me the question:

- Do you think you'll go to university?

NOT

- Where are you going to university?

Being asked that question is was a breathe of fresh air that I simply can't describe in any form of prose. It gave me such a shock. I had to pause for a moment just to realise what I'd been asked. If anything, that's what put me off ISKL the most, was the assumption that you would definitely be going to university. It made me not want to go to university. I also couldn't work under that sort of pressure. There is no pressure at Giggleswick. They don't want everyone to get 3 As, they know its not realistic. They're proud of every single student that leaves Giggleswick and achieves their potential. I also feel like they understand that intelligence doesn't equate to: you are intelligent, you should get 3 As. They understand that there are other aspects to learning. They're also not ashamed of students who leave Giggleswick and don't achieve their potential. They don't comment about it. Not because its taboo but because there's nothing to say, and its up to them(the pupils). Not: "What ashame."... wait, sorry, "What a shame." That lack of pressure is exactly what I feel like I need. The other thing is in ISKL I might say "I want to be a writer." and the general response would be "Is that practical? Or: "Are there job prospects? Not a lot of people make it as a writer." Whereas, at Giggleswick, I'm being told to ignore the success rates, and job prospects, and etc., and go forward with the ethos that you will go out to beat those success rates and you will be one of the 4 out of 40 people to make it as a writer, an actor, a director, an artist, whatever it is you want to be. That is what I want to be, and that's what I want to be successfully. I wake up everyday, and as soon as the hundreds of thoughts running around my head subside, and I think about where I picture myself in 10 years, I can't see myself as being anything else but a writer. I can't visualise anything else for myself. And I realise now that ISKL depressed me and made me feel like I had no future because "Not a lot of people make it as a writer." Because I can't see myself doing anything but and ISKL made me believe that I couldn't go after my dreams and be successful. Giggleswick has opened my eyes and made me believe otherwise.

The NSDF (National Student Drama Festival) is a festival they host every year and put on productions and the director, writer and producer of the production they are showing this year talked to people auditioning for the school production. The producer basically said: "If you wake up everyday and you think I can't do anything else but be an actor, then you should go for it." And I could relate to that, because that's the way I am with wanting to be a writer. I asked the writer of the play: "How do you go about becoming a playwright?" And basically he didn't say anything I didn't already know but he revitalised it for me and made me realise more the truth of it and basically he said you have to do three things:

1. Write

2. Read

3. Listen

And he said that just listening to someone in a conversation is as good as reading a book. He also said that he did an English Literature degree and that forced him to read a lot, and here he is a playwright. Also, he said you need to find a story. He found a story that no one else had written and no one else wanted to write that he could write, so he wrote it.

I think one of my happiest moments during that week was when, we were in the Theatre, and Becky told me that her friend Jo (short for Joanne I presume) was bisexual, (wait for it), she's actually not. Becky said, no she's not, she's just extremely sexual. (We made quite a few "that's what she said" jokes in that conversation, me, Becky, and Jo.) And then Becky said "Aw, did you have a little girl crush?" (A phrase (little girl crush) which I myself use quite a bit, even prior to this, and now I imagine I'll use it even more.) To which I replied: "No, I just thought I had friend." And then Becky said "I thought I was your friend." And that just made me smile.

My least favourite moment, was when went to the lake district. Not because it was wet, or rainy, (which it wasn't), but because of what happened. Basically there was this huge seesaw thing and our task was to try and get all of our group members on to it and balance it for as long as we could. We were set the task of trying to keep in balance for longer than 6 seconds. After a long time of fannying around and not getting it to balance for longer than 3 seconds, I closed my eyes and started to try and think about what was causing the seesaw to fall. Clearly, it wasn't solely gravity, since gravity is equal on both sides of the seesaw, this being the case, if the only force at play was gravity, it should stay balanced. So then I realised that it was the weight of the people on either side, which is when I came up with the idea of balancing the weight of people on either side of the seesaw. Everyone ignored my idea, saying it made no sense. So after much more fannying around and actually managing to balance it for 4 seconds, a girl named Shona suggested we use my idea. Everyone else then asked her what the idea was. She told them. It worked, and we managed to balance the seesaw for 9 seconds. Frankly, I was just happy that my idea helped and that we could get away from the wretched thing. After we managed to do it, the teacher asked a few people (to one side) who came up with the idea, and one guy said "I think it was Rick." The teacher already knowing the answer said "Was it?" And then I said "No, it was me." When it came to the group discussion, the instructor (a woman, not the teacher, although they had obviously conversed) asked the group who had come up with the idea. Everyone said, oh it was Shona. And Shona herself said "yeah, yeah." And then the teacher (a man) said "No, I think you'll actually find that it was Geraldine." And Shona said "Oh yeah..." And then the teacher and instructor both wittered on about some crap about communication in group situations. The whole thing just made me feel like I could have screamed and no one would have listened. They didn't have any respect for me or my ideas, and when I go back I'm going to have to build up that respect. That aside, however, am I the only one that listens to the new girl when she has an idea? When new people have good ideas, I listen to them, and no one else does, and I always wind up being their voice for them, and furthermore, unlike Shona (who I'm sure is very nice), I wouldn't take the credit. That experience was probably the most frustrating thing that happened to me that week.

Related to the above paragraph, I had an interesting revelation about human nature that week (as you do). The housemaster of my house has a dog called Biggles. I didn't know that at the time. So I'm looking out my bedroom window and I see this dog attacking this rabbit. And it keeps attacking it and then letting it run away. I realised that really what the dog wanted to do was just chase after it because it was bored rather than harm it or anything. The rabbit ran, and the dog ran after it. But then the dog caught it and instead of letting it go like it had before, he killed it. I thought, maybe he'll eat it and then it won't be such a waste. But he just looked at it and then walked off. At which point I said: "Well that was pointless." And the dog looked at me. I went out to see if the rabbit was actually dead and unfortunately, it was. Walking back to my room I started thinking "Well, it's a dog eat dog world." Then I realised "No, actually it's a dog eat rabbit world." Then thinking about a parallel situation involving humans, I came to the realisation that people don't fight with people who are as strong as them. They go after people who are weaker. That's why there's no such thing as equality, because we are not born equal. We are all born with different strengths and weaknesses.

That situation (involving a giant seesaw in the lake district) reminded me of the above dog-rabbit story because my inability to assert myself with my good idea (which worked) meant that people didn't use my idea until someone else, who did have the ability to assert themselves, suggested it. And then, they got the credit for it, by the group, instead of me, and would have done if the teacher and instructor (both authority figures able to assert themselves) hadn't been there.

In the words of Marilyn Manson: "The weak ones are there to justify the strong."

I came out to a few people at school, the girls in my house, specifically Izzy (who I am rooming with) and Sally, suggested I keep it quiet because they wouldn't want me causing what they called "a tiff". I wanted to laugh. It's the most quintessentially British point of view I've ever heard actually come out of someone's mouth. However, I don't want to make life difficult for myself, so I'm keeping as quiet as I can about it without keeping it from my closest friends (such as Becky). Closest is relative by the way, she's the person I'm closest to at Giggleswick.

I had an interesting conversation with a guy called Jack who has cerebral palsy. Luckily for him, it's only affected his legs and he's still able to walk. I really do sympathise with him though, because of all the people on planet earth, he's the last guy you would wish something like that on. He really doesn't deserve it. He was saying how people were looking at him strangely, and how some people shied away from him because he was "this way". I tried to explain to him that maybe people just don't understand and if you can talk to them about it and try and explain it to them, that might make it easier for them. He had a good go at trying to do everything everyone else did. All the physical challenges we were given he tried, unless it was seriously dangerous for him to do so. He really is one of a kind. I hope he comes back next year, he said this was a taster for him and he wasn't sure if he would come back.

So that, was my whirl-rocket of a week. And while there were ups and downs, I know I'm going to have a lot of fun at that school, and at the same time, be as academically successful as I have the potential to be.

And, I'm finally decided that I'm doing an English Literature degree at University.

Signing off,

Geraldine McKavanagh.

Song for this blog:

Everyone kept listening to the wretched song: California Girls by Katy Perry.

To get that song out of my head, I sang the song: Half the World Away by Oasis... to myself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1YqF3pYAeg

Why Are You Leaving?

Obviously, an explanation is in order.
Why are you leaving to go to this strange place called "Giggleswick"?
(Also, my current location on my profile IS Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, but I shall be changing this when I arrive in the UK.)

I am leaving for the following reasons:
- I want to get into a good university in the UK.
- I don't have good grades at ISKL at the moment.
- I need a new environment.
- I'm not the person I want to be, and I don't feel like I can change that by staying in the same place. I suppose that warrants further explanation:

I want to be more assertive and take control of my life in a way that I will make all the decisions about my future. I want to be assertive enough that when I want something, I will go out and get it and nothing will stand in my way. I'm not that person at the moment. At the moment, I just let life happen to me. That has to stop.

Also, I just saw my grades from last semester, which I posted on a different blog which is currently closed. I was complaining about my grades. I look back and I wish I had those grades currently. I'm supposed to improve with each school year aren't I?

I couldn't cope with doing 5 million different things all at once, I need more focus. I know what I want and like to do and I wanted to run with it. I couldn't really do that at ISKL: They like you to be "well-rounded". I think that is a bunch of crap. And now, I am gone, going.

I shall see you all at my leaving party which I have yet to plan, and really need to desperately start planning before its too late.

Signing Off.

What is this blog?

If you are reading this blog, and you don't know me, reading this will be fairly pointless and I highly recommend you go and read a different blog. I apologise for the uninventive title of this particular post. The purpose of this blog is update my friends in KL and elsewhere what I am doing. I shall post on a weekly basis. I don't actually expect anyone to read this blog, this is more to appease my own ego and make me feel like I'm doing something creative. I would also just like to explain the title. I am not downgrading ISKL in anyway. For me that title will be a reality, but there's no reason ISKL couldn't work out perfectly for someone else.

Let the blogging commence! :)